You are my blessing

For one of your Christmas presents we decided that it would be fun to get you your big boy room so we could transition you out of the crib but also have some fun things for your new bedroom. We ended up getting a twin bed but are leaving the bed that was in there for a while because it's bigger and we can lay in there with you too. Sometimes after the holidays I tend to get a little blue because I had so much fun getting ready for it and wanting it to be special for everybody including you. Then I took the week after Christmas off so my schedule got a little messed up so my mind is just not in the same place where it normally is. Is nothing horrible -there's just a slight sadness there. I wish it wasn't there but it is. Yesterday I felt horrible so Nana came and watched two so I could sleep. Daddy left for two shows that are in North and South Carolina so he will be gone until next Sunday. 

One of the things I've been doing with you lately is when it's your bedtime or nap time, I lay in the bed with you until you fall asleep and then I leave. I know it's probably not a good idea but I want to savor the time with you before your brother gets here. Part of my sadness is this feeling that time slips out of my hands so quickly and you never get it back and the memories fade. I know it's some sort of paranoia. I think it's because I don't remember tons of things from my childhood and there aren't many videos of me growing up and I wish I could go back there sometimes. I love you so much and I love seeing who you are becoming and you are just so precious and sweet and loving. The selfish part of me doesn't want you to grow up but if I was really the best mommy -I would want you to grow and be a fine young man and get to see all the wonderful things that your life takes you. I'm sure part of it is having another boy soon- I'm worried that time will just go by so fast like everybody says and I don't want to take anything away from you. You are our first born and such a special gift that I really treasure every minute. It makes me happy to think that when your brother is your age that you both will be outside playing together and having so much fun. You love other kids so I think that you will really love having a companion here at the house. 

Today I was looking at your beautiful face when you fell sleep and thanking God for you my sweet boy. You make everything better!